this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize