So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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