come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
vagina is talking i cant
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
