So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
