and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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