I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
