I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
