ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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