You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
