It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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