sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize