I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
