Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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