Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize