kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
