That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
