P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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