I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
