No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
