Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize