And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
