A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
