Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
