May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize