he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
