I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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