Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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