Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
