Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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