Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
