Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
