I wish you could order shots online.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
