I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
