I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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