I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
A+ Viking dick
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
