I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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