conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
