It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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