do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
