I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
