it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
