Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
