fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
