you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
