An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
