Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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