My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
