I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
