Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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