I faked an abortion last night.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What drink are we having for lunch?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
