you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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