Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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