At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
