God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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