New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
