I wish you could order shots online.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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