airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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