Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
