I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
