the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
