from now on my penis is your penis
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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