billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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