Don't make out with my wife yet
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize