At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
