I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
