So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
