Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
