Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
