For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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