farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
