I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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