In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
