Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
