"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
