I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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