Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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